I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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