I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
