I hate all girls vehemently.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
