If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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