apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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