its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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