When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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