She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
