Don't make out with my wife yet
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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