Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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