So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
