Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
