Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
