I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
