You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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