I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didn't notice because vodka
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
