Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
