I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
