it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I believe in your delicious
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
