Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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