call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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