dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
