chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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