Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
