New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
