I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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