If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
