The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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