Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
