Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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