I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
