I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My boob is missing a layer of skin
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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