He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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