I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she looked like the before picture.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
