I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
