um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
