there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
