my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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