I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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