I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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