I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
