I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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