it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
