I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
