I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
