I could have mohawked her pubes.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
