I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
