I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I party with great urgency now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
