i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
