I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
