im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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