he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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