look no pants
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My pussy is not your playground.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
