omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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