He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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