He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
