I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
