Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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