Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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