I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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