The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry about my life...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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