we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
