I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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