You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
