Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
