dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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