Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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