I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize