LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
