it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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