Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
