Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
